Category:funny’

Sam: Our Story Reader

 - by Brittny

Sam “reading” a story to himself at 2 years old

If you ask Sam what he wants to be when he grows up he says he wants to be a “story reader.”  We’ve settled on that being a narrator and I don’t doubt that someday he’ll do it!  Tonight as I was getting Sam ready for bed I told him to run upstairs and grab a story for me to read to him.  He replied, “Oh, how about you just tell me a story.”  Not feeling in a very creative mood I recommended that he just go grab one instead.  He replied, “Oh, I’ll just tell you a story then.”  Luckily I had my keyboard handy and was able to transcribe what he was saying.  Be forewarned, these stories make absolutely no sense, and I left out a lot of the repetition (since he would say the same line 3 or 4 times sometimes) but I thought it was a funny little view into Sam’s mind.  Be warned that he switches between 3rd and 1st person without much warning and I tried to get some of the kid grammar pieces in there without fixing them.  Enjoy :)

Once upon a time there was a little boy named me and I was very old, and very sick. And I couldn’t walk. Then he said “there’s mommy there’s mommy!” because he found Daniel, and pizza! That was too funny. Danny gets hungry then he starts filling his tummy with juice! And he says “More House, more house please?” And too much soda was there the next morning, and that was too silly! Now that Sammy had gone far far away it’s time to say “Go go go sliding turtle!” And Sammy said “jump turtle!” Then there was two teeny tiny wires that he flew an airplane with! Then he saw a parachute and he wanted to try to parachute and the people who had that airplane said “I want to learn how to parachute.” And one day he said “Gootey” in preschool because there were sparkles on his shirt, and that was so funny. Do you know that we wear some kind of headphones in the winter? They’re called “Weereovers” They clean all the snow out. And one day he was supposed to wear some but he didn’t have any. He only wore gloves and a coat and a hood and a chin protector and nothing else, not even a mask! I needed a mask. And that was silly. The end.

I have one more story! It’s from Danny. It’s with great pictures. Danny said, “One time there was a little boy named Danny and Danny said “No no no no no no no no no” and he said “Yes yes yes” and then he said “Around the block around the block, catch up to Sam around the block” And then he came and said “Ry Ry! Ry Ry! Ry Ry!” And then he saw pizza shop, and he said “pizza! pizza! pizza!” because he wanted pizza. And Sam said “Aw, we should have got some pizza for Danny, but we missed it.” And one time there was a little bit of splat in the blanket chest, and one time there was a little bit of crumbs. And then there was a bubble behind the couch! And then it popped, and then it goed around and then it keeped going around. Aw Turty is sick! And soda he drunk more and that made him more sicker. And he drunk more and more and more and more. And then something turned around and it went “tramp tramp tramp tramp” Then, it was all of it went “squish and squish and squish and squish”. And they tried to put it in the vorarator, he was having a hard time putting it in something. Then it went “Beep beep beep” The end.

There’s one more story! From you! It went “Smarties on the desk, smarties on the desk”, because there were smarties, on the desk! I’m really sad! I wanted to see you be a baby. And she ate more and more and more, and she never stopped. Do you know what will happen if you eat smarties? You’ll feel even smarter! And if you eat even more of them, you’ll feel even more smarter – as tall as this cup!  And Danny kicked them out, and Mommy said “Noooo!”  And she said “kick ball” and Danny kept kicking Mommy and she said “ow ow ow ow!”  and that’s why Sam would hug her everywhere that Danny kicked her.  That’s why Sam kept mommy up.  Someone woke her up and she said “Bwom bwom bwom”  and she said “close your mouth, close your mouth, please just close your mouth.  Just wake up”  and it was the Winevwom.  The End.

There’s one more story from Daddy!  It’s called Sam & Daniel & Dad Be Friends.  When Sam and Daniel and Dad took pictures of friends skating on ice.  Then there was a bird collector that collected people and putted people into the road.  And then a car comed!  And the bird collector told them to “stay there”  and they saw me died!  And then they would never come alive ever ever ever!  And the friends said we’re never going to stop skating.  And mommy said “I’m tired” so she went to sleep and then someone woke her up – it was the Wyver Cheetah and it was a bad guy!  And she collected people in her bag.  And I got out of the road and told the people to come out of the road and they listened and the bird collector told them to stay in the road but they just kept skating until they got across that snow.  And then some lady saw a mountain and they saw where our house was.  And it was enormously fine!  And it was just a little hill and they took a little shortcut on that hill and it would lead them home!  And they were free!  The end.

There’s one more from my nightlight!  There was Mom, and Sam and Daniel and Daddy went to work.  And mom said “hey someone’s missing!”  It was Dad!  He was missing.  And the cul-de-sac because they were stuck by a big snow bank and that’s why they went around the cul-de-sac out of the car, back into the car and drove back to where their home was.  And she goed down stairs and a Triple Guy Mean got her.  Then Sam went to Friday to ask for a game – he forgot a game!  He was silly.  I was a silly billy.  And Mommy hurt all over her finger, and that’s why she had bandaids.  The end!

The Art of Crime

 - by Brittny

I’m starting to re-think my grand plan of going to Costco and Home Depot with my boys today.  In the little while that I let the boys play in the car while I was gathering my stuff and wrapping up a couple things Daniel started a life of petty crime as a graffiti artist.


Then while I quickly ran the sharpie into the house he found a pair of scissors and I made it back just in time to stop him from cutting his nice pants to shreds.  I didn’t even know we *had* either of those things in the car, let alone where to find them! Guess it’s time to go through my pins on cleaning to see if the link with the hints for getting sharpie out of anything really has ideas that work…

Update: I tried the idea from that link of using sunscreen and it totally worked.  There are only a few places where you can somewhat tell there might have been something drawn on, but really it was a miracle cure.  I just used Kroger brand spray on sun screen, a little bit of rubbing and a paper towel.  Magic!

If you put a Brittny in charge of food storage…

 - by Brittny

If you put a Brittny in charge of food storage…

She might start watching for sales.

If she starts watching for sales…

She’ll probably notice that pasta is on sale this week.

If she notices that pasta is on sale….

She’ll probably want to buy some.

She’ll start to buy some.

She might get carried away and purchase upwards of 50 packages.

When she gets home, since she had a long and traumatizing excursion to the store, she might be too tired to put the pasta in the basement right away.

So it will sit in bags outside the basement door.

If the pasta is sitting in bags outside the basement door, a Sam will probably discover them.

If a Sam discovers the pasta, he will inevitably bury his brother in the packages of pasta while his brother lays there placidly.

(Luckily, the end of this story doesn’t end that they destroy the pasta and we need to watch for it to go on sale again… yet :)

Sam’s Vain Repetitions

 - by Brittny

On Saturday we were talking with Sam about going to nursery and he mentioned that the other kids tell him no to praying. Sam is extremely articulate for his age and I would imagine that he frequently volunteers to give the prayer in nursery. I would imagine that the other kids might not appreciate his prayers as much as we do at home. Sam says a lot of the same things over and over in his prayers and we find it amusing what his unique vain repetitions are.  I thought I’d take a minute to record some of these here:

  • Thank you for Mommy & Daddy that they should go on a date this morning and Grannie and Grandpa that they should go on a date too –  We’re not sure how this started but every prayer Sam says includes this line.  I especially love that he’s not just praying that we *will* go on a date, but thankful that we *did* go on a date (even though Eric and I pretty rarely go on formal dates).  I also enjoy the fact that Eric and I apparently need help in this area, as do his parents, but my parents are doing just fine.  Good job Mom & Dad :)  Maybe Sam is just reinforcing John Wooden’s quote – “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”  Recently when we’ll ask him to say the prayer he will first protest “I can only do ones with Grannie and Grandpa in them”, which we tell him is great, we love his prayers with Grannie and Grandpa in them.
  • Please bless Daniel that he can be a good example to his baby brother – I guess Daniel has a baby brother that we don’t know about (!?)  I’m pretty sure this came about because we’ve before prayed for Sam that he could be a good example to his baby brother.  Every so often Sam changes it and prays that Daniel can be a good example to his big brother
  • Please bless this food that it will give us the nourish and strengthen us – For those of you who aren’t really familiar with Mormon culture I should explain.  Normally when someone is giving a prayer prior to a meal they will ask for a blessing over the food.  Often that involves using the phrase “please bless this food to give us the nourishment and strength that we need” or “please bless this food to nourish and strengthen us.”  I guess Eric and I have used each of these phrases frequently enough  that Sam has mashed them into a single phrase.  The best part is he will say this even if we aren’t sitting down to eat anything!
  • Please bless daddy that he can travel home safely – Again, this is said pretty much in every prayer, even if Sam is sitting on Eric’s lap, clearly negating the need for Eric to travel home safely, although we are not ungrateful for the added blessing of safety the next time he is away from us :)
That pretty well sums up the items that routinely make it into Sam’s prayers.  The other thing that’s really funny is that whenever Sam is praying he switches to a really sweet, high-pitched intonation and cadence.  It totally cracks us up.  Here are some other things that Sam has prayed for before that haven’t made it into his regular lineup but we enjoyed nonetheless –
  • Please bless that we can go to Grannie and Grandpa’s and Bobo’s, and Uncle Mike’s and eat food and rice and that we can watch Rio and do good things today – Too bad we weren’t able to do all those things , that would have made for a fun day!
  • Please bless Daniel, to nourish and strengthen us – We laughed about this one for days.  Evidently Sam was taking to cannibalism and Daniel was going to be the first to go!
  • Thank you that I am Superman – This was just last night.  Sam had gotten some new Superman pajamas and was wearing them while saying his prayers.  This was just such a cute way to phrase it and we loved it!
  • Thank you for headphones and hot dogs and Aunt Tay Tay – This is an old one and I’ve posted about it before, but I think it bears repeating.  Taylor was just honored that Sam was as thankful for her as he was for headphones and hot dogs – that’s high praise from Sam!

I’m sure there’s lots of other things I could post about that Sam has prayed for in the past, but that’s all I can come up with off the top of my head and from a search through my GMail/Google Talk history.  We sure like this kid and his awesome personality.

We are a Happy Family!

 - by Brittny

When Eric and I were engaged all of his Chinese friends would tell him that we had “couple face”.  Apparently there’s some phrase in Chinese which roughly translates to “couple face” that means that you and your spouse/fiance/significant other look alike, like you belong together, and you look like a couple.  It became a family joke and it’s been fun finding other couples who have “couple face”.  Well I started using Picasa to organize the pictures on my computer, and one of the cool features is that it will find faces and have you tag them.  It also will start to guess who different faces are based on previous pictures you’ve tagged.  I took this screenshot of one set of guesses –

In case you can’t tell, the people in the pictures are just me and Eric.  Picasa tagged me as Samuel, Eric as me, me as my sister’s husband Ryan, and Eric as himself.  This was just one sample.  As I went through it was tagging Eric’s family members as members of my Dad’s family and all kinds of silliness.  I did feel a little bit vindicated that it tagged Eric as his older brother Tim multiple times, but not once did it get me mixed up with my mother.  For those of you who don’t know,  my mom and I look A LOT alike, and I think Eric and his brother Tim look a lot alike as well.  You can be the judge –

My mom and me on my wedding day

Eric and Tim, also on our wedding day (sorry Tim, it's the only picture I have of the two of you together)

On our wedding day I saw Tim holding his little girl and was very confused that Eric had changed out of his tux and into another suit.  I came within seconds of going up to, who I thought was Eric, and asking him why he’d changed his clothes! Luckily I noticed my mistake just before actually approaching Tim.  I just wasn’t used to there being multiple Eric-looking people around!

Eric has mistaken my mom for me on multiple occasions.  The most notable was Christmas of 2008 when we were at home with my family.  At the time I was 7 months pregnant with Samuel.  My mom and I were standing together leaning over the island in their kitchen when Eric comes up from behind and starts stroking my mom’s arm.  Just as my mom turns to find out what’s going on I lean over so he can see my face and say, “uhm, honey?”  Eric had quite a start at that point and my family likes to tease him about it.

Eric’s not the only one who has mixed us up though.  When I was in high school one night at dinner my dad came over behind my chair and started playing with my hair.  That wasn’t really weird, until I turned around and my dad said “Ack!  You’re not Kerry!”  Suddenly it was a lot weirder to have had my dad being that affectionate with me :P

However, the strangest moment was during my freshman year in college.  I had gotten all dressed up for some pictures and was heading out the door when I caught a quick glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I suddenly turned around and said, “Mom?!”  It was so weird to have confused myself with a mom, especially since my mom was over 500 miles away at the time!

So…”couple face”!  It would seem that we have some of that within our family.  And next time someone asks who Sam looks more like, I guess the answer would be me!

Come on get in the boat, fish!

 - by Brittny

Today was a momentous day.  Today we received, what will hopefully be, Sam’s last shipment of diapers.  Wahoo!  We plan to give potty training a go once Christmas is past.  However, that wasn’t the most exciting part of the day.  The exciting part was that those diapers came in a great big box!  What toddler boy doesn’t love having a huge box in his front room?

So, of course, I put the boys in the box to let them play around.  Sam hadn’t yet gotten to the stage in life where he hops in a box and it immediately becomes a racecar/spaceship/secret bunker etc.  So when I asked him what it was he looked at me like, “Uhm, a box, duh mom.”  So I suggested that maybe it was a boat.  That was immediately a hit!  He started to pretend he was going to the promised land (yes, he’s watched the Animated Scripture videos a few times :) ).  He then told me “Mom!  Float. My. Boat!”  Which I thought was a pretty hysterical request.  He also asked me for a “rower shovel” (more commonly referred to as a paddle, I like hearing how Sam describes things that he doesn’t know the names for!).  It’s so much fun to see these little kids’ imagination come to life!